Hope

A couple of days ago, I wrote a post about Fear….of being afraid of bigotry, racism, and sexism. And, today, I have no words or strength left.

Yesterday, I voted in the US Presidential Elections hoping for the best. I also did not just vote for myself. I voted for my family: my mom, my dad, my little sister. I voted for immigrants all across the United States. I voted for my fellow Latinxs. I voted for women…and, most importantly, I voted for the United States of America.

I voted for these things, but mostly I voted against hatred, white supremacy, and misogyny. Most people will not understand what I mean by this. Most friends will disregard my fear, my tears, and my disgust for our current decision. This, like most things, breaks my heart.

But, in times of despair and hardship, I have always learned that hope is my silver lining. Hope that hearts will change, that minds will act consciously and thoughtfully, and that love will reign. I know it may seem naïve, but I have nothing left to give.

I refuse to dwell on fear, on hatred, on brokenness. I will hope, not just now, but forever.

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Autumn 2016

The end of Summer came rather abruptly. At one point, I was working two jobs, working on my Prelims Reading List and then suddenly, I was back in school.

Do you remember that Summer List I made? I am incredibly happy to say that I did all of those things and I feel very lucky that I had the opportunity to accomplish them.

Life, in general, has been good, but tough to manage and balance.  I’m in the middle of the process of finishing coursework, taking the preliminary doctoral examinations, teaching two brand new courses, presenting a paper at a German and Dutch Studies  conference (0.0 I know) and trying to keep up with life’s demands. Nonetheless, I always find joy in spending time with friends: laughing, reading, long walks.

Here are some pictures of the beautiful moments I have shared with friends and loved ones over the past few months:

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I love my life. However, this chapter of my life can be challenging sometimes even though it’s good and fun. Sometimes I don’t even want it to end, but all things do come to an end.

All I want is to savor the moment. Breathe. Enjoy.

Fear

Because of my crazy schedule (two teaching positions, an hourly position, full course load, prelims prep, conferences, and life!), I have been unable to update the blog as much as I would have liked to. I do have a lot of unfinished drafts saved up, but I wanted to write and post something meaningful…at least to me.

Today, when I was on the phone with my mom, she asked me: “If you could time travel, would you go back in time or travel to the future?”

Without hesitation, I said: “The future.”

Part of this is because I feel that as a woman of color, the past would be a dreadful place to live in. I cannot even bear to think about not being able to sit wherever I want on the bus, date the person I am currently dating or do basic things such as living by myself in a faraway Midwestern city, or vote.

Then, I thought about my current situation in 2016. While I have the privilege be a 21st century educated woman with multiple advanced degrees, the opportunity to date whomever I want, the chance to live by myself,  my life has so many, many limitations.

As a woman of color, I am afraid…

…afraid to walk down the streets by myself fearing the fact that I could be followed home by a strange man…

…afraid to find a job in the future where I will be paid equally to my male coworkers…

…afraid to be turned away when I vote this Tuesday because of X excuse about my identification…because of how I look

…afraid to tear up in a class when someone unknowingly asks me Where are you from? You just look so exotic

I am afraid to be an American who does not fit the build of an American because I am not white. I am afraid to be a woman who has to put up with misogynistic and racist comments because, if I speak up, people will be offended.

Who are we anymore? Why have the thoughts and feelings of Others, specially minorities have been so disregarded and unimportant for so long? When will we finally stop?

As a minority, an American born in the United States, but nonetheless, a minority, I want to speak up against all of this hate and fear and gruesome comments made against others. Let us stop this hatred. Let us stand together and truly say:

 Never AgainNie wieder. Plus jamais. Nunca más. Nunca mais.

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